Day 24 - Choose Your Breath - {Project Capture Your Grief}

Day 24 - Choose Your Breath - {Project Capture Your Grief} 

Where am I in my grief journey? I'd venture to say I'm still a noob, for lack of better words.  I think right now I'm in between stuck and comfortable. It's still somewhat fresh. I've surpassed the one year mark. But it's not just yesterday. Although it feels that way often. Last Christmas Eve was the hardest day besides the early days of losing Emma. I had a panic attack, a nervous breakdown if you will. I forced myself to work all the holidays I could so that I'd be so busy in the er helping other's that I'd not have the time to think of me. It didn't work. At that time I was stuck like quicksand. I was angry and frustrated. I was trying to get pregnant again and it hadn't happened. Now I have my rainbow and my family all minus one and I'm enrolling in the masters program and not working for the time being until my leave is up and then I plan to work as little as possible to keep it comfy and to focus on family, photography, and school. Im not comfortable with my position in my grief but compared to this time last year i can see a vast improvement. Last year around this time when I look back at my demeanor, I was just struggling to stay afloat. I seemed okay. I was still on autopilot and still numb and still in shock. I worked and did homework and photography and kept myself busy and you'd never know that just a mere month and a half before I'd buried my only daughter. Right now I'm hopeful. I'm organizing the first of what I hope to be many Angel Walks in Emma's honor. I'm being the mom to my boys I always wanted to be (well, I'm working on it). I can tell you that grief and healing can coexist. I have isaac to thank for that. He showed me that even though I'm broken inside that there are things that can piece together the mess and glue it loosely. It's fragile and unstable. But it's together. #whathealsyou #captureyourgrief