Day 13 - Regrets + Triggers - {Project Capture Your Grief}

Day 13 - Regrets + Triggers - {Project Capture Your Grief} - I have plenty regrets. With my experience with having Emma and with my grief. Can I heal it? I have a ton of triggers. 

I regret choosing to have a c section. I feel I should've labored over her like I did with Shade and I regret snatching the opportunity to labor away from Isaac. I regret not being knowledgable about reduced fetal movement.  I regret making hasty decisions with her labor and sending her away because I made decisions in a very unstable state of mind. I regret that we didn't have a cuddle cot. I could've had 2 whole days maybe 3 with her. I regret not having one single moment alone with her. Someone was always there because we tried to cram a lifetime of hellos, goodbyes, and words into 5 hours. I regret working as far along as I did. Fall is a trigger for me. September is a trigger. Countless songs and smells and sounds are triggers. The elevator doors on the first floor employee elevator and walking through the OR corridor.  The waiting room. Room #2 in the clinic. The ultrasound room in the clinic and in radiology. Room 309. The OR. The triggers are countless. Sometimes I don't realize they're triggers until it's too late. I'm not sure I'll ever heal my regrets but I'm working on it. #carlymarie #captureyourgrief #whathealsyou