3 Months
Happy 3 months, my sweet Emma.
Today you would be 3 months, likely holding your head up, smiling at passing strangers, dealing with your big brother aggravating the tar out of you. However, you are spending it in heaven. I imagine its much warmer there than here. Its been cold and rainy today, fitting of course. Our Christmas tree is aglow on the dreary day, with your beautiful ornaments toward the top and center. I still have 1 more ornament to put on it whenever I find a picture to put in it (it came from the hospital), and to find someway to hang all of your angels for hope crocheted things.
Of course I have thought about you all day. Looked at your photos (that's nothing new) and missed you more than ever.
In your memory, I publicly announced yesterday my aspirations to become the on-call resource for fetal demise photography at MMH. And then branch out to other local facilities. And once I have finished that, going on to achieve my goal of being a photographer for NILMDTS. Today, I got the ball rolling on obtaining a cuddle-cot for MMH. If the hospital does not have the funding for one, I will raise the money myself for it. IF that works out, then I will branch out again, to other local hospitals, and make sure they all have a cuddle cot. ( http://flexmort.com/cuddle-cots/ ) I feel that this would also be good press for the hospital and that PR would be willing to put effort into obtaining one. I know the rate of fetal demise at our hospital is lower than most other places, but if it were to only help 1 person, it would be all worth it. Then I plan to branch out eventually to other places.
While I was writing this; I actually had the weight of the world on my heart to go ahead and apply for NILMDTS. I considered 100mi radius for my travel time to shoot. Not that I wouldn't travel outside of that, but it seemed like a good sized area. I hope that this is something that will bring honor to your name and I am so glad to be doing this for you. 4 weeks or less and I should know the status of my application. I pray they accept me!! I also finally got on the waiting list for a Molly Bear that I requested to be made in honor of you and she will be 7lbs10oz just like you. I am making sure that you are never forgotten, not even for a day <3
Doing things in your memory helps me to heal. I will never be the same, I will never be 'okay', but unfortunately, the world is still turning, even though mine is still on pause.
I love and miss you dearly, more and more each day. I am so glad I have your pictures to look at. Even though I totally had a PTSD moment in Walmart at 2am over Christmas wrapping paper.... I know that you are with me.
While putting Christmas decor up yesterday, the wind was in full swing with a warm breeze, it was in the mid 50s. Tolerable without a coat. Your wind chimes were singing to me the whole time. Sad, but comforting, knowing I carry you so closely with me. I feel you in everything I do, every second of the day.
xoxo
Today you would be 3 months, likely holding your head up, smiling at passing strangers, dealing with your big brother aggravating the tar out of you. However, you are spending it in heaven. I imagine its much warmer there than here. Its been cold and rainy today, fitting of course. Our Christmas tree is aglow on the dreary day, with your beautiful ornaments toward the top and center. I still have 1 more ornament to put on it whenever I find a picture to put in it (it came from the hospital), and to find someway to hang all of your angels for hope crocheted things.
Of course I have thought about you all day. Looked at your photos (that's nothing new) and missed you more than ever.
In your memory, I publicly announced yesterday my aspirations to become the on-call resource for fetal demise photography at MMH. And then branch out to other local facilities. And once I have finished that, going on to achieve my goal of being a photographer for NILMDTS. Today, I got the ball rolling on obtaining a cuddle-cot for MMH. If the hospital does not have the funding for one, I will raise the money myself for it. IF that works out, then I will branch out again, to other local hospitals, and make sure they all have a cuddle cot. ( http://flexmort.com/cuddle-cots/ ) I feel that this would also be good press for the hospital and that PR would be willing to put effort into obtaining one. I know the rate of fetal demise at our hospital is lower than most other places, but if it were to only help 1 person, it would be all worth it. Then I plan to branch out eventually to other places.
While I was writing this; I actually had the weight of the world on my heart to go ahead and apply for NILMDTS. I considered 100mi radius for my travel time to shoot. Not that I wouldn't travel outside of that, but it seemed like a good sized area. I hope that this is something that will bring honor to your name and I am so glad to be doing this for you. 4 weeks or less and I should know the status of my application. I pray they accept me!! I also finally got on the waiting list for a Molly Bear that I requested to be made in honor of you and she will be 7lbs10oz just like you. I am making sure that you are never forgotten, not even for a day <3
Doing things in your memory helps me to heal. I will never be the same, I will never be 'okay', but unfortunately, the world is still turning, even though mine is still on pause.
I love and miss you dearly, more and more each day. I am so glad I have your pictures to look at. Even though I totally had a PTSD moment in Walmart at 2am over Christmas wrapping paper.... I know that you are with me.
While putting Christmas decor up yesterday, the wind was in full swing with a warm breeze, it was in the mid 50s. Tolerable without a coat. Your wind chimes were singing to me the whole time. Sad, but comforting, knowing I carry you so closely with me. I feel you in everything I do, every second of the day.
xoxo
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