2 months

Its been 2 months since i saw my beautiful Emma for the first and the last time. At 4:51pm today, i was probably hustling and bustling here today so busy i didnt even think of 4:51pm. Its been a very busy day. Of course I've thought about my sweet baby. Every day, all day, of course.
I cant wait to see her again. Some days i think of her with happiness. Some days I think of her and a huge lump wells up in my throat. I begin to realize more and more that having another child will not fix this. I mean, i am fully, and have fully, been aware of this all the time...but its difficult to explain.
I just miss and love her so much. I always constantly wonder what she'd be doing now. If she'd be rolling from her back to front or front to back. If she'd still have plenty of hair. If she would have blue eyes.
I hate that my phone automatically suggests "stillborn" when i start typing the word "still".
I hate that this happened and it still plagues me. I wonder if I'll ever be better?
Ive had a decent day, but I'm just numb sometimes. Over these past 2 months I've surely cried all my tears out. But somehow i still have some.

I love that sweet baby's face. I so wish Shade could know her. I hope i can give him a living sibling soon. But for now i just miss Emma so bad.