Mind Games
I go back and read on my old livejournal blog, which I am not going to provide the link to, because well, I don't want to embarrass myself. HA.
I am letting some wedding photos cycle through a filter on Photoshop for a client who's wedding was in June and I am trying to finish by the end of this month -- *trying to be productive* -- and was reading some of my old LiveJournal posts because I had just mentioned it, strangely enough.
When I am reading through it even right up until the very last entry I posted there which was toward the end of 2010, I fall into a different world. Its like going into a rabbit hole. Which, I've been writing here for a couple years and not a WHOLE lot has changed, but this...this is different.
Its like a whole other person! I don't even recognize that person anymore even through writing. I don't know where their thoughts came from. The language, the wording, the point of view. Its like through a looking glass, I get sucked back into when I was 20...21...22...23...and then I stopped blogging for the most part.
Its like being in a dream, I get engulfed reading it and then I hear my little Shadey speak up in the living room and then I am tugged back into reality. The fact I'm a mommy to a sweet boy here, a sweet girl in heaven, and soon to bring another sweet boy into the world. Hard to believe the difference. Life is strange. I hope that my blogs take me back, regardless of where they take me back to, 10 years from now, just like they do from 10 years ago.
I am not sure that anyone else gets engulfed in their own memories, or mine for that matter-- but if its only ever just me being occupied with it, then I'm okay with that, because face it, this is mostly for me. That memory game's strong though.
I hope to have memories of Emma, what few I have...and memories of Shade, preserved here, or somewhere, that I can just flash back to, long after my fickle mind has forgotten.
xoxo
I am letting some wedding photos cycle through a filter on Photoshop for a client who's wedding was in June and I am trying to finish by the end of this month -- *trying to be productive* -- and was reading some of my old LiveJournal posts because I had just mentioned it, strangely enough.
When I am reading through it even right up until the very last entry I posted there which was toward the end of 2010, I fall into a different world. Its like going into a rabbit hole. Which, I've been writing here for a couple years and not a WHOLE lot has changed, but this...this is different.
Its like a whole other person! I don't even recognize that person anymore even through writing. I don't know where their thoughts came from. The language, the wording, the point of view. Its like through a looking glass, I get sucked back into when I was 20...21...22...23...and then I stopped blogging for the most part.
Its like being in a dream, I get engulfed reading it and then I hear my little Shadey speak up in the living room and then I am tugged back into reality. The fact I'm a mommy to a sweet boy here, a sweet girl in heaven, and soon to bring another sweet boy into the world. Hard to believe the difference. Life is strange. I hope that my blogs take me back, regardless of where they take me back to, 10 years from now, just like they do from 10 years ago.
I am not sure that anyone else gets engulfed in their own memories, or mine for that matter-- but if its only ever just me being occupied with it, then I'm okay with that, because face it, this is mostly for me. That memory game's strong though.
I hope to have memories of Emma, what few I have...and memories of Shade, preserved here, or somewhere, that I can just flash back to, long after my fickle mind has forgotten.
xoxo
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