39-40 - 9 whole months
Here I am again, slacking, doing 2 weeks in a row again. I am going to try not to let this happen a 3rd time. Week 39 was on coincidentally Tuesday, June 2, 2015, which was also Emma's 9th month in heaven. It was the week we were preparing for the beach, and I worked that day. And the rest of the week was filled with constant stuff to do. Today is week 40; and I am 22 weeks pregnant with Isaac. 40 weeks is an entire pregnancy. It has been an entire pregnancy since I last saw my baby girl. We have approximately 15 weeks until we meet Isaac. He has been pretty wild in my tummy off and on. He still doesn't have much of a pattern yet, which they say they don't til 28 weeks. However, when I was in the sun yesterday; he was going crazy. Maybe he was sensing the bright light and trying to tell me to get it away from his little eyes, lol.
Shade turned 4 years old on Saturday, we spent the day traveling of course to here, (OBX). His party was a great success, not a lot of people came, but we are all happy he had a great time. He laughed and played and LOVED all his gifts. I wish we wouldn't have had to leave immediately after his party pretty much...but he had a great time with all his new toys. Now, to clean out his room for the summer and get rid (or store) all the toys he doesn't use much now. I can't believe that little baby that was 6lb 14oz and 19.5" long born at 0545 after such a long night is a 4 year old that will be going to head start this fall. What am I going to do? HOW does this happen!? Ugh. I can't complain that I am blessed enough to watch him grow; as I know how precious that is.
Everything went off without a hitch as far as leaving...we left pretty much exactly on time, we didn't forget anything except Shade's vitamins, and we made excellent time and were able to check in early to our house and get everything unpacked and unloaded leisurely and be lazy and have fun around the beach house that evening. So far we have had that lazy evening, a beach day, we visited the NC Aquarium today and the waterfront in down town Manteo, picked up a few things from Gap and Gymboree, visited a local coffee shop and ate at the Blue Moon Cafe' where we ate on our honeymoon. Now we are relaxing for the evening. The plan is to do a little thrifting tomorrow and maybe some beach time...then the rest of the week is dedicated to beaching only. Everyone already has sun burns except Shade and those of who didn't go to the beach (Mom and Nanny) and those with fur (Sabbath and Idgy) lol.
Last year I was turning 28 weeks pregnant with Emma. I remember going to Gymboree and finding such cute things for her, and to Gap. I didn't find nearly as many cute things for Isaac of course because he's a boy. But better than what I expected. But still... I remember. I imagined her wearing the little strawberry themed outfit mom bought her, and the little sleeper with the hot air balloons and the mint color and the little bow. I had this same blank banner on my arm that her name was supposed to fill. I am as big now as I was then :S Isaac may be a little bigger than Emma, or maybe I'm just chubbier lol. Idk. But anyway...I have done decently thus far with not being an emotional basketcase like I thought I would. I feel close to her here. She is Emma Caroline and I am in the Carolinas where she was only just a pipe dream, and where she was just this time with me last year alive and well in my tummy, and where she still exists in the breeze...the hot sunrise, the warm sunset, the painted on sunset clouds and the still sound water and the rough crashing ocean waves, the little flowers growing in nothing but sand. The little thrift shops that smell musty but clean full of hidden treasures. The old wooden siding that barely sticks on the houses. The tinge of a reddened skin from hours of sun. The salt in the air and the sand between my toes. The free pedicure from the sand. The smoothness of your sand burned skin on cool sheets in the bed you sleep in while on vacation. The sunrise in your bedroom window that you can't hide from. Where I hear what might've been her voice in the crash of the waves. She is all around me but I still miss her so bad. I never shared this pic, not sure why... but why not now.
I had Tommy take some of just me by myself and never posted them. I think I felt 'fat'. Well by golly... who gives a shit? I don't. Not anymore. I don't care to show off this bump. Its a reminder that there is a baby in there alive and well and there's nothing to be ashamed of. Nobody should be. If I was comfortable with it, I wouldn't wear a tankini, I'd let it all hang out. I just don't even care.
No matter what point I was in my life whether it was high school struggles, boyfriends, deaths, lives, love, loss... its all here. I've came here since I was 12. Imagine how many memories I've made here and how many thoughts I've thought here on this coast staring at these same old waves and this same old horizon. Imagine how many decisions I've made, how many things I've thought over with this sand between my toes or under my butt cheeks. I couldn't count them if I had 254 hands. This is my yearly escape...my yearly place to come and reflect on whatever it may be that I need to reflect on - not that I can't do this just anywhere but the beach is better than a long drive with the music on. Its just different. It always has been and always will be.
Lord willing we will bring a 8.5 month old Isaac to this very beach a year from now. I wish Emma were here. I never imagined fast forwarding a year from my last time here and this being my life. I never imagined I'd still be pregnant (only again), that my Emma would not be in my arms, would not be in her first little frilly floral print bathing suit under the umbrella with me. But life is different now... and I will always wonder, what would she be doing right now? Every day, all day....forever. For as long as I love her I'll always wonder who she'd be.
On a different note, doing homework while you're on vacation SHOULD be illegal. Why its not, I'll never know. But at least I can do it of the mornings @ breakfast and not miss anything. And I guess that having this view doing homework beats any other view doing homework.
I hope the rest of the trip is as smooth and fun as it has been. I hope that I continue to be stable and remember my baby girl the way she would want me to <3
xoxo
Last year I was turning 28 weeks pregnant with Emma. I remember going to Gymboree and finding such cute things for her, and to Gap. I didn't find nearly as many cute things for Isaac of course because he's a boy. But better than what I expected. But still... I remember. I imagined her wearing the little strawberry themed outfit mom bought her, and the little sleeper with the hot air balloons and the mint color and the little bow. I had this same blank banner on my arm that her name was supposed to fill. I am as big now as I was then :S Isaac may be a little bigger than Emma, or maybe I'm just chubbier lol. Idk. But anyway...I have done decently thus far with not being an emotional basketcase like I thought I would. I feel close to her here. She is Emma Caroline and I am in the Carolinas where she was only just a pipe dream, and where she was just this time with me last year alive and well in my tummy, and where she still exists in the breeze...the hot sunrise, the warm sunset, the painted on sunset clouds and the still sound water and the rough crashing ocean waves, the little flowers growing in nothing but sand. The little thrift shops that smell musty but clean full of hidden treasures. The old wooden siding that barely sticks on the houses. The tinge of a reddened skin from hours of sun. The salt in the air and the sand between my toes. The free pedicure from the sand. The smoothness of your sand burned skin on cool sheets in the bed you sleep in while on vacation. The sunrise in your bedroom window that you can't hide from. Where I hear what might've been her voice in the crash of the waves. She is all around me but I still miss her so bad. I never shared this pic, not sure why... but why not now.
No matter what point I was in my life whether it was high school struggles, boyfriends, deaths, lives, love, loss... its all here. I've came here since I was 12. Imagine how many memories I've made here and how many thoughts I've thought here on this coast staring at these same old waves and this same old horizon. Imagine how many decisions I've made, how many things I've thought over with this sand between my toes or under my butt cheeks. I couldn't count them if I had 254 hands. This is my yearly escape...my yearly place to come and reflect on whatever it may be that I need to reflect on - not that I can't do this just anywhere but the beach is better than a long drive with the music on. Its just different. It always has been and always will be.
Lord willing we will bring a 8.5 month old Isaac to this very beach a year from now. I wish Emma were here. I never imagined fast forwarding a year from my last time here and this being my life. I never imagined I'd still be pregnant (only again), that my Emma would not be in my arms, would not be in her first little frilly floral print bathing suit under the umbrella with me. But life is different now... and I will always wonder, what would she be doing right now? Every day, all day....forever. For as long as I love her I'll always wonder who she'd be.
On a different note, doing homework while you're on vacation SHOULD be illegal. Why its not, I'll never know. But at least I can do it of the mornings @ breakfast and not miss anything. And I guess that having this view doing homework beats any other view doing homework.
I hope the rest of the trip is as smooth and fun as it has been. I hope that I continue to be stable and remember my baby girl the way she would want me to <3
xoxo
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