seasons change
I can smell it in the air...the seasons are about to change. The hot heat of summer isn't the same hot as it was a month ago. Its the hot that you feel when it's September and we have a heat wave and you're at a fall festival wearing a cute slouchy cardigan, leggings, and boots, and end up having to shed the cardigan because you're sweating. It's warm, but not suffocatingly warm. Similar to that of the warmth of spring, but just not as muggy. Its like a warm hug, its the summer sun fading out, saying goodbye to you for the season. It's the same warm that crisps up the color changing leaves just enough to where they fall off and crunch beneath your shoes.
Now, if you know me, you know I love fall. Fall was ruined for me say, about 4 years ago, but since then I have been able to try to gain a new appreciation for the season. I guess "ruined" isn't really the right term, but I spent the entire fall, and a long time after grieving the loss of my Emma, so, that took a toll on the season itself. That took a lot of change, a lot of tears, a lot of pain, a lot of courage...just a LOT. I've always loved fall, really, but not necessarily what comes after it. Its only recently here that I have actually began to anticipate fall with excitement. I just wish it lasted longer. I love the way my home and our neighborhood and the lake looks during fall, I have a great drive to work, and it helps that its not balls hot when we're flying so I'm not sweating my brains out. I think what happened was once I found peace within myself, I was able to find peace within the season as well.
I guess because fall is cozy. Sweaters and scarves and boots and sweatshirts and leggings and fuzzy socks and comfy cozy couches and blankets and carpet. It brings people together. Halloween, Thanksgiving, fall pictures. You can get out more because its not too hot, not too cold. Festivals are popping up everywhere. Its the perfect time to hike and get outside. I don't know. I guess it gets too hot to really totally enjoy myself in the summer after a certain point, so I look forward to fall. I wish it lasted longer. That is my main complaint.
All the smells. Cinnamon, apple, maple, caramel, musk, vanilla, all the pastries and cakes and things cooking in the crock pot...and just UGH, its a good time of year. Although I have struggled in the past with depression and everything that fall signifies like the death of the season, the trees, and it was close to Emma's death; so I think fall signifies that for me. I feel like I usually have more flashbacks in spring of Emma and my pregnancy with her VS fall and the birth/death/grief of her. I feel like leading up to her birthday and the days before it are difficult but once its passed, I am more at ease, although never forgetting of course.
I'm sure in 4 months I'll be begging for spring, when my teeth are chattering so hard they could break while I'm sitting in my car waiting for it to warm up, or while I'm outside for 5 seconds.
I am not, however, looking forward to the sickness that winter brings and the petri dishes that school is. Luckily I feel like Shade is starting to build up an immunity to all of the school germs finally. Or so I hope. If he gets strep again he's headed for a tonsillectomy and I just really don't want to put him through that.
Fall gets me reminiscing. Planning. Projecting. Gets the wheels turning majorly. I just have always done this around this time of year. Seems like most of my memories bunch up around this time of year for some reason. I don't know if that's a false feeling or if its real. Not sure if its a perceived thing or if I actually have more memories from fall? I'm just rambling. I feel like a drunk person rambling on and on right now. I swear my medicine is interacting with the sinus/cold medicine I'm taking. haha.
I digress..I must continue triaging patients.
Now, if you know me, you know I love fall. Fall was ruined for me say, about 4 years ago, but since then I have been able to try to gain a new appreciation for the season. I guess "ruined" isn't really the right term, but I spent the entire fall, and a long time after grieving the loss of my Emma, so, that took a toll on the season itself. That took a lot of change, a lot of tears, a lot of pain, a lot of courage...just a LOT. I've always loved fall, really, but not necessarily what comes after it. Its only recently here that I have actually began to anticipate fall with excitement. I just wish it lasted longer. I love the way my home and our neighborhood and the lake looks during fall, I have a great drive to work, and it helps that its not balls hot when we're flying so I'm not sweating my brains out. I think what happened was once I found peace within myself, I was able to find peace within the season as well.
I guess because fall is cozy. Sweaters and scarves and boots and sweatshirts and leggings and fuzzy socks and comfy cozy couches and blankets and carpet. It brings people together. Halloween, Thanksgiving, fall pictures. You can get out more because its not too hot, not too cold. Festivals are popping up everywhere. Its the perfect time to hike and get outside. I don't know. I guess it gets too hot to really totally enjoy myself in the summer after a certain point, so I look forward to fall. I wish it lasted longer. That is my main complaint.
All the smells. Cinnamon, apple, maple, caramel, musk, vanilla, all the pastries and cakes and things cooking in the crock pot...and just UGH, its a good time of year. Although I have struggled in the past with depression and everything that fall signifies like the death of the season, the trees, and it was close to Emma's death; so I think fall signifies that for me. I feel like I usually have more flashbacks in spring of Emma and my pregnancy with her VS fall and the birth/death/grief of her. I feel like leading up to her birthday and the days before it are difficult but once its passed, I am more at ease, although never forgetting of course.
I'm sure in 4 months I'll be begging for spring, when my teeth are chattering so hard they could break while I'm sitting in my car waiting for it to warm up, or while I'm outside for 5 seconds.
I am not, however, looking forward to the sickness that winter brings and the petri dishes that school is. Luckily I feel like Shade is starting to build up an immunity to all of the school germs finally. Or so I hope. If he gets strep again he's headed for a tonsillectomy and I just really don't want to put him through that.
Fall gets me reminiscing. Planning. Projecting. Gets the wheels turning majorly. I just have always done this around this time of year. Seems like most of my memories bunch up around this time of year for some reason. I don't know if that's a false feeling or if its real. Not sure if its a perceived thing or if I actually have more memories from fall? I'm just rambling. I feel like a drunk person rambling on and on right now. I swear my medicine is interacting with the sinus/cold medicine I'm taking. haha.
I digress..I must continue triaging patients.
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