I will start this blog out with my horoscope for today:
VIRGO 12-16 You just cant seem to make up your mind these days. You have choices ahead of you and decisions to make. You cant put them off forever. The longer you wait the worse it will get. The choices are not getting easier, they are getting more and more complicated as the days go one. You have been waiting for the right time to make things happen, but time may be running out. You know what you want so get started and go get it. Things will be a lot better in the long run for everyone involved.
Which is very strangely, unexpectedly accurate. I have discussed the accuracy of psychics with 3 different people lately, all of them very important to me (Tommy, Jessi, Maggz) Tommy believes they are total BS, Jessi believes in them probably like 75%, and Maggie probably believes in them maybe a smidge more than Tommy. Its not that I believe in them, but I don't necessarily feel the need to discredit them. Its like we discussed, they're always quick to give you good news, but any bad news is super vague. I am not a person that ever needs to go to a psychic, due to my personality type of...I will let it eat me alive, lol. but I enjoy the occasional horoscope. which leads me to this... of late, I have been, lets say, not unhappy, but not fulfilled with my current job. call me crazy, I am making around $200-400 more on each check here on night shift than I was at ARH on night shift. but I'm worn down. there's two issues. one issue at hand is: night shift in general. I am tired 24/7 and I am tired of it. night shift just isn't for me! I've worked day shift my whole life ( approx. 10 years of work experience ) & some evening shift, and now that I have a child, I am just missing out on so much. the atmosphere on nights is great, no admin, no hustle and bustle, but of course it goes slower. my health is declining. I've developed migraines. I'm missing out on Shade and my WHOLE family (except for mom) is on a total opposite schedule as me and it makes things from grocery shopping to general family functions very difficult. I think this whole night shift thing needs to be left to people without kids or that just like staying up all night, general night owls. not that I think people with kids deserve special treatment, because, I don't...lets face it, it was my choice to spread my legs, lol! I'm just saying. its not good for me anymore. but then the 2nd issue: I love my job here because its easy to say the least. the pay is way better, especially on nights with shift diff, literally bringing home about $350 on average more a check. that's around $700/mo more. that is the only thing that makes me literally sick to my stomach about even THINKING about changing jobs. because the shift diff is the ONLY reason I bring home this type of $$. cus my base pay isn't much better than ARH, just $0.15, so yeah. BUT, yes there's a but, like everything. I don't feel LTC is my niche. I never thought it would be, and swore that it wouldn't be, and I was right. its just not. its not that I don't like caring for and helping our veterans, or just people in general, but this is just not where I'm supposed to be. I am a specialty nurse. I'm an OR, ICU, ER, cath lab, cardiac.... insert loved specialty here. I want to learn my specialty and rock it. I was just starting to feel like I wouldn't kill someone every day in the icu when I quit. but I felt so free quitting. and when I started getting paid, man oh man did I ever feel validated. but is money worth what I'm missing? time with my family? my nursing skills and career going to waste? AND NO I AM NOT SAYING WORKING LTC IS A WASTE, I just feel like for me, I am wasting my time, because I'm incredibly unmotivated. and this has weighed on my mind for weeks now, and I'm afraid that if I don't make a decision or at least research and exhaust my options, that it will eat at me to the point to where I will dread work again, and I don't want that here, it would be a disaster. part of me wants to stay put, with the solidarity and $$ and rotation I have that's set and known, so I can have a bomb summer with plans & $ ... but part of me wants to think I'm missing something that if I don't figure out soon, opportunity won't knock again? idk. reading my horoscope, after discussing same said psychic that this horoscope came from, only validates the fact that I have a decision to make.
so that in a nutshell, is my decision. day shift? different job? what to do? I'm so conflicted, so torn. never thought I would be sitting here loving money so much and being comfortable with being able to pay my bills and do what we want to do for the most part and finally being caught up, and thinking about going back and POSSIBLY making less than what I do now, just for my own selfish career. am I selfish for thinking this??? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
anyway. thinking about trying the 7 day inversion method for hair growth. look it up. I got my hair trimmed, and I feel like I got it all whacked off. no, I didn't, but it feels that way. I have hair anorexia. it can never be long enough. I truly have a problem :0
we had a great time in Lexington, or well, I did. not sure tommy really enjoyed himself lol. the mall and Lexington in general was a freaking nightmare. 2347820382058203958 people in a space made for 500,000...we finished up Christmas shopping, and ended up getting better stuff for everyone than originally planned, and for cheaper. almost every store I went in had 40% off or BOGO half off. better than BF or CM! but we didn't get to go to Buck's gun, or eat with Dan for his bday. Ohhhhh well.
I did get to spend an afternoon/evening with Jessi Friday which was AWESOME. I missed her so much and we had a great time doing basically nothing with mom & Shadey in hazard, and then with just Tommy and Shadey @ home. of course we ended up on the internet talking crap, what we do best. imagine that :\ hehhehee I can't wait til she starts taking call @ her new job, so we can have a sleepover once a week.
idk what else to write about. mind went blank. home to sleep in 4 hours. htty
xoxo
VIRGO 12-16 You just cant seem to make up your mind these days. You have choices ahead of you and decisions to make. You cant put them off forever. The longer you wait the worse it will get. The choices are not getting easier, they are getting more and more complicated as the days go one. You have been waiting for the right time to make things happen, but time may be running out. You know what you want so get started and go get it. Things will be a lot better in the long run for everyone involved.
Which is very strangely, unexpectedly accurate. I have discussed the accuracy of psychics with 3 different people lately, all of them very important to me (Tommy, Jessi, Maggz) Tommy believes they are total BS, Jessi believes in them probably like 75%, and Maggie probably believes in them maybe a smidge more than Tommy. Its not that I believe in them, but I don't necessarily feel the need to discredit them. Its like we discussed, they're always quick to give you good news, but any bad news is super vague. I am not a person that ever needs to go to a psychic, due to my personality type of...I will let it eat me alive, lol. but I enjoy the occasional horoscope. which leads me to this... of late, I have been, lets say, not unhappy, but not fulfilled with my current job. call me crazy, I am making around $200-400 more on each check here on night shift than I was at ARH on night shift. but I'm worn down. there's two issues. one issue at hand is: night shift in general. I am tired 24/7 and I am tired of it. night shift just isn't for me! I've worked day shift my whole life ( approx. 10 years of work experience ) & some evening shift, and now that I have a child, I am just missing out on so much. the atmosphere on nights is great, no admin, no hustle and bustle, but of course it goes slower. my health is declining. I've developed migraines. I'm missing out on Shade and my WHOLE family (except for mom) is on a total opposite schedule as me and it makes things from grocery shopping to general family functions very difficult. I think this whole night shift thing needs to be left to people without kids or that just like staying up all night, general night owls. not that I think people with kids deserve special treatment, because, I don't...lets face it, it was my choice to spread my legs, lol! I'm just saying. its not good for me anymore. but then the 2nd issue: I love my job here because its easy to say the least. the pay is way better, especially on nights with shift diff, literally bringing home about $350 on average more a check. that's around $700/mo more. that is the only thing that makes me literally sick to my stomach about even THINKING about changing jobs. because the shift diff is the ONLY reason I bring home this type of $$. cus my base pay isn't much better than ARH, just $0.15, so yeah. BUT, yes there's a but, like everything. I don't feel LTC is my niche. I never thought it would be, and swore that it wouldn't be, and I was right. its just not. its not that I don't like caring for and helping our veterans, or just people in general, but this is just not where I'm supposed to be. I am a specialty nurse. I'm an OR, ICU, ER, cath lab, cardiac.... insert loved specialty here. I want to learn my specialty and rock it. I was just starting to feel like I wouldn't kill someone every day in the icu when I quit. but I felt so free quitting. and when I started getting paid, man oh man did I ever feel validated. but is money worth what I'm missing? time with my family? my nursing skills and career going to waste? AND NO I AM NOT SAYING WORKING LTC IS A WASTE, I just feel like for me, I am wasting my time, because I'm incredibly unmotivated. and this has weighed on my mind for weeks now, and I'm afraid that if I don't make a decision or at least research and exhaust my options, that it will eat at me to the point to where I will dread work again, and I don't want that here, it would be a disaster. part of me wants to stay put, with the solidarity and $$ and rotation I have that's set and known, so I can have a bomb summer with plans & $ ... but part of me wants to think I'm missing something that if I don't figure out soon, opportunity won't knock again? idk. reading my horoscope, after discussing same said psychic that this horoscope came from, only validates the fact that I have a decision to make.
so that in a nutshell, is my decision. day shift? different job? what to do? I'm so conflicted, so torn. never thought I would be sitting here loving money so much and being comfortable with being able to pay my bills and do what we want to do for the most part and finally being caught up, and thinking about going back and POSSIBLY making less than what I do now, just for my own selfish career. am I selfish for thinking this??? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
anyway. thinking about trying the 7 day inversion method for hair growth. look it up. I got my hair trimmed, and I feel like I got it all whacked off. no, I didn't, but it feels that way. I have hair anorexia. it can never be long enough. I truly have a problem :0
we had a great time in Lexington, or well, I did. not sure tommy really enjoyed himself lol. the mall and Lexington in general was a freaking nightmare. 2347820382058203958 people in a space made for 500,000...we finished up Christmas shopping, and ended up getting better stuff for everyone than originally planned, and for cheaper. almost every store I went in had 40% off or BOGO half off. better than BF or CM! but we didn't get to go to Buck's gun, or eat with Dan for his bday. Ohhhhh well.
I did get to spend an afternoon/evening with Jessi Friday which was AWESOME. I missed her so much and we had a great time doing basically nothing with mom & Shadey in hazard, and then with just Tommy and Shadey @ home. of course we ended up on the internet talking crap, what we do best. imagine that :\ hehhehee I can't wait til she starts taking call @ her new job, so we can have a sleepover once a week.
idk what else to write about. mind went blank. home to sleep in 4 hours. htty
xoxo
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