its been a while?
Yes, it has been a while. Since my last blog post, where I was going into my first nursing interview for RN, I have then since gotten said job, worked said job for 2 months, and passed my NCLEX-RN state board test, and many more random things.
So I'll start from there - I went to my interview and was hired on the spot. All of my tests and stuff came back good and I started work on January 7th. We had a great Christmas, some of the bigger things I got were a Keurig, I got Tommy an acoustic/electric guitar... Shade got 2357395 toys, etc etc.
I started my job, went through 2 weeks of the most boring and hard to stay awake classroom orientation EVER... and then my first day of work on the floor, I worked a code along with my friend from class/work Kristen, who I have to say I have gotten to know and like a whole lot! We have had some funny experiences already and I'm sure as we start our night shift journey Friday, there will be more 0_o. We went in head first and as far as I know we haven't resurfaced yet, but we also haven't drowned yet, lol. ICU is a wild ride with few down moments.
On February 8th, my best friend Jessi and I headed to Lexington to shop and hang out and try to unwind/discuss bachelorette party options for her... and the dreaded NCLEX-RN was the next morning. It was sort of an out-of-body experience as was childbirth and my wedding day. I don't really feel like it was ME taking that test. I feel like someone else had my hand on the mouse and clicked the answers for me. I figured I failed, seeing as I got at least 20 select-all-that-apply questions, and a plethora of med questions that I had no idea of the answer (or maybe I did, was paranoia getting the best of me? maybe) and other problems like a person sitting next to me clicking their keyboard like a crazy in a typing contest. I had to put on my noise-cancelling headphones, although the only noise it DIDN'T cancel out was the pounding of my heart through my ears now, which was beating over 130/min. I was short of breath, I was clammy, I was cold, and I thought this was where it ended. This was where I lost my job, where I lost my paycheck, where I had to start over and do this again, where I had to find the courage to muster up the gumption to come back up here and sit for this board again. I got 75 questions I think, I raised my hand, got up and walked out like a robot. I refused to check my registration to see if it would give me the rejection ( a fail-safe way to check to see if you passed ). What scared me perhaps the most was the calm and collected look on Jessi's face whenever I walked out of the building and saw her on the phone with someone. The sun was up at that point...and she didn't have tears in her eyes, or shaky hands. She was just....calm; And I'm sure I looked like a deranged badger walking out of that building. So we shopped some more. She was on edge the whole time, but never said anything, I was looking at things in Old Navy that I didn't even want/need, just to try to distract her and myself from the question of whether or not we should go try to re-register. Finally after leaving Bath & Body Works - she says "I have to do it". And I ignorantly said "do what?" ... and of course I got the answer I didn't want to hear. So we drove around trying to find wi-fi. Finally found some at the AT&T store, and I pulled my iPad out from my weekender bag, opened it up, handed it to her...she went to the pearsonvue site...we piddled around on it slowly filling out blanks in the registry process, kind of dumbly like we didn't really know exactly what to put (subconscious delaying) and finally got to the submit button. She clicked submit. Of course the iPad's "waiting" symbol popped up for what seemed like way too long as our hearts continued to drop out of our buttholes... they just stayed there, peeking out...until a box popped up that told us she was unable to register again. The whole time I had been texting Tommy and he at that point had asked me for the instructions on how to register so he could do it FOR me. I'm usually not a procrastinator like that, but this was too big. It was over for her, she passed, she could breathe, but I was still sitting there like a concrete statue unable to expand my lungs to optimum expansion...I needed a paper bag... so I said screw it. I began the registration process the same way and proceeded the same way, and had the same pause between submit and pop-up. I looked at the blue pop-up and asked her "Is this what you got?!?" (knowing it was because I had JUST seen it... and she yelled at me and we both squealed and my heart returned back to its original anatomical position. It was over... 2.5 years of worrying and stress and unrest was over. I headed home and practically skipped along the whole time.
Since then, I have been signing RN after my name. Such an accomplishment, and its not over yet. I am proud, what all I have always had on my plate plus nursing school, pregnancy, newborn, toddler, photography, homemaking, etc ... its not been easy. And again, its not over yet. Nursing is a learning process from day to day especially on my unit and ESPECIALLY because of my lack of experience and knowledge. I love it though. I am not loving the fact I go to nights Friday but what can you do? I figured out why I have been so miserable the past 2 years, though. There were days where I had mini mental breakdowns and took it all out on Tommy, and couldn't even enjoy my own little son. Even being off in the summer, graduating, and breaks couldn't alleviate the stress because I always knew I had to come back to it, and no matter how "over" it was, I always had the NCLEX looming over my head like a dementor, waiting to suck all the happiness out of my soul. People would say "well, everything should be fine now you're on summer break!" or "aren't you so relieved you graduated?!?!" ... well, yeah I was glad for all of that but again, the NCLEX just doesn't disappear, and again, like I said; it looms. Ever so heavily, like a very uncomfortable backpack on your shoulders while you're in line for Kings Island rides. You might have a minute or two of stress-free living, but you're still broke, you're still unsure, you're still studying, you're still worried, all that stress that nursing school brought is still there, only 10x harder, because this test is not just a test, its THE test. Its like being at an execution, and this test is your pardon. I can't explain it unless you've taken it. And by all means if you're reading this, do NOT think and/or ask a recent nursing graduate if you know they've not taken boards yet, anything on the lines of "oh i bet you're so relieved that you passed school!" ....please.
Anyway, since then we've had a bachelorette weekend that was spent at Hugo's in Lexington with a few awesome people... and then a gorgeous wedding which required lots of laughs and work but was worth it to see a gorgeous bride walk down the aisle in a breathtaking dress and a breathtaking ceremony...definitely! It is awesome getting to be apart of such an awesome part of someone's life. I am so happy for them :)
My boys and I spent a wonderful day/evening in Lexington Saturday ... as per the usual. Ate dinner with Jess & Frank - at the japanese steakhouse which Shade LOVED! HE also loved the snow, which was the first time he'd ever played in the snow, since every other time since he's been able to walk he's been snotty/sick-ish with allergies or something that I didn't feel comfortable with letting him out in.
Today Shade & I went to Manchester with Mom & Nanny to a couple stores and ate Long Johns - its nice just to spend a day out with them.
My evening will hopefully consist of some pic editing and hanging with my boys and eating pizza.
I enjoy life much more now...big things coming in 2013! Excited for Shade's Easter pics and doing pics in my studio - starting a scrapbook for Shade, and booking our beach house this week. I will be more than ready to get away. Night shift... here I come, please don't turn my world upside down!!
xoxo
Amberly
So I'll start from there - I went to my interview and was hired on the spot. All of my tests and stuff came back good and I started work on January 7th. We had a great Christmas, some of the bigger things I got were a Keurig, I got Tommy an acoustic/electric guitar... Shade got 2357395 toys, etc etc.
I started my job, went through 2 weeks of the most boring and hard to stay awake classroom orientation EVER... and then my first day of work on the floor, I worked a code along with my friend from class/work Kristen, who I have to say I have gotten to know and like a whole lot! We have had some funny experiences already and I'm sure as we start our night shift journey Friday, there will be more 0_o. We went in head first and as far as I know we haven't resurfaced yet, but we also haven't drowned yet, lol. ICU is a wild ride with few down moments.
On February 8th, my best friend Jessi and I headed to Lexington to shop and hang out and try to unwind/discuss bachelorette party options for her... and the dreaded NCLEX-RN was the next morning. It was sort of an out-of-body experience as was childbirth and my wedding day. I don't really feel like it was ME taking that test. I feel like someone else had my hand on the mouse and clicked the answers for me. I figured I failed, seeing as I got at least 20 select-all-that-apply questions, and a plethora of med questions that I had no idea of the answer (or maybe I did, was paranoia getting the best of me? maybe) and other problems like a person sitting next to me clicking their keyboard like a crazy in a typing contest. I had to put on my noise-cancelling headphones, although the only noise it DIDN'T cancel out was the pounding of my heart through my ears now, which was beating over 130/min. I was short of breath, I was clammy, I was cold, and I thought this was where it ended. This was where I lost my job, where I lost my paycheck, where I had to start over and do this again, where I had to find the courage to muster up the gumption to come back up here and sit for this board again. I got 75 questions I think, I raised my hand, got up and walked out like a robot. I refused to check my registration to see if it would give me the rejection ( a fail-safe way to check to see if you passed ). What scared me perhaps the most was the calm and collected look on Jessi's face whenever I walked out of the building and saw her on the phone with someone. The sun was up at that point...and she didn't have tears in her eyes, or shaky hands. She was just....calm; And I'm sure I looked like a deranged badger walking out of that building. So we shopped some more. She was on edge the whole time, but never said anything, I was looking at things in Old Navy that I didn't even want/need, just to try to distract her and myself from the question of whether or not we should go try to re-register. Finally after leaving Bath & Body Works - she says "I have to do it". And I ignorantly said "do what?" ... and of course I got the answer I didn't want to hear. So we drove around trying to find wi-fi. Finally found some at the AT&T store, and I pulled my iPad out from my weekender bag, opened it up, handed it to her...she went to the pearsonvue site...we piddled around on it slowly filling out blanks in the registry process, kind of dumbly like we didn't really know exactly what to put (subconscious delaying) and finally got to the submit button. She clicked submit. Of course the iPad's "waiting" symbol popped up for what seemed like way too long as our hearts continued to drop out of our buttholes... they just stayed there, peeking out...until a box popped up that told us she was unable to register again. The whole time I had been texting Tommy and he at that point had asked me for the instructions on how to register so he could do it FOR me. I'm usually not a procrastinator like that, but this was too big. It was over for her, she passed, she could breathe, but I was still sitting there like a concrete statue unable to expand my lungs to optimum expansion...I needed a paper bag... so I said screw it. I began the registration process the same way and proceeded the same way, and had the same pause between submit and pop-up. I looked at the blue pop-up and asked her "Is this what you got?!?" (knowing it was because I had JUST seen it... and she yelled at me and we both squealed and my heart returned back to its original anatomical position. It was over... 2.5 years of worrying and stress and unrest was over. I headed home and practically skipped along the whole time.
Since then, I have been signing RN after my name. Such an accomplishment, and its not over yet. I am proud, what all I have always had on my plate plus nursing school, pregnancy, newborn, toddler, photography, homemaking, etc ... its not been easy. And again, its not over yet. Nursing is a learning process from day to day especially on my unit and ESPECIALLY because of my lack of experience and knowledge. I love it though. I am not loving the fact I go to nights Friday but what can you do? I figured out why I have been so miserable the past 2 years, though. There were days where I had mini mental breakdowns and took it all out on Tommy, and couldn't even enjoy my own little son. Even being off in the summer, graduating, and breaks couldn't alleviate the stress because I always knew I had to come back to it, and no matter how "over" it was, I always had the NCLEX looming over my head like a dementor, waiting to suck all the happiness out of my soul. People would say "well, everything should be fine now you're on summer break!" or "aren't you so relieved you graduated?!?!" ... well, yeah I was glad for all of that but again, the NCLEX just doesn't disappear, and again, like I said; it looms. Ever so heavily, like a very uncomfortable backpack on your shoulders while you're in line for Kings Island rides. You might have a minute or two of stress-free living, but you're still broke, you're still unsure, you're still studying, you're still worried, all that stress that nursing school brought is still there, only 10x harder, because this test is not just a test, its THE test. Its like being at an execution, and this test is your pardon. I can't explain it unless you've taken it. And by all means if you're reading this, do NOT think and/or ask a recent nursing graduate if you know they've not taken boards yet, anything on the lines of "oh i bet you're so relieved that you passed school!" ....please.
Anyway, since then we've had a bachelorette weekend that was spent at Hugo's in Lexington with a few awesome people... and then a gorgeous wedding which required lots of laughs and work but was worth it to see a gorgeous bride walk down the aisle in a breathtaking dress and a breathtaking ceremony...definitely! It is awesome getting to be apart of such an awesome part of someone's life. I am so happy for them :)
My boys and I spent a wonderful day/evening in Lexington Saturday ... as per the usual. Ate dinner with Jess & Frank - at the japanese steakhouse which Shade LOVED! HE also loved the snow, which was the first time he'd ever played in the snow, since every other time since he's been able to walk he's been snotty/sick-ish with allergies or something that I didn't feel comfortable with letting him out in.
Today Shade & I went to Manchester with Mom & Nanny to a couple stores and ate Long Johns - its nice just to spend a day out with them.
My evening will hopefully consist of some pic editing and hanging with my boys and eating pizza.
I enjoy life much more now...big things coming in 2013! Excited for Shade's Easter pics and doing pics in my studio - starting a scrapbook for Shade, and booking our beach house this week. I will be more than ready to get away. Night shift... here I come, please don't turn my world upside down!!
xoxo
Amberly
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